Screw you, Pinterest (Happy 2017)
In case being a parent in the 21st century generally didn't make you constantly question whether you're doing "enough" as a parent, Pinterest exists. That should be enough to rattle us all. But as added insult, Pinterest just came out with their list of 100 things you're going to see "on trend" in 2017. The kind folks over at Buzzfeed put together a list of the top parenting trends to expect in 2017.
I read the list because I was curious, and then immediately started shouting expletives to my husband about how ludicrous the list was. You should check out the list in its entirety, but some of the more ridiculous ones include:
Helping your Child Develop Through Play- How long did it take you to scroll through that chart? EXACTLY. This chart is longer than some PhD poster presentations at MIT. Because nothing says "unstructured play" like a ridiculously long chart explaining how to do it.
Homemade Popsicle: This was the one that initially set me off. Are you kidding me, Pinterest? Not only do you want me to puree fruits, put them into some kind of magically layered stratification, but you want me to make them with my child, and then expect them to WAIT FOR FOUR HOURS FOR THEM TO FREEZE. GFY, Pinterest.
Finger Puppets: On first blush, this might seem somewhat endearing, until you realize that your toddler is immediately going to ask you to name each of the five pumpkins, keep track of the five pumpkins, have different life stories for all five of the GD pumpkins. What happened to sock puppets? One character, no complex life stories. Also, what else do you expect me to make except for finger pumpkins? I can see maybe apples...if I can find red pipe cleaners. Followup question- WHO JUST HAS RED PIPE CLEANERS LYING AROUND?
"Woodland Nursery Design". Are you kidding me? This is going to be an actual trend? A trend meaning many parents are going to collectively decide "hm, how should we design the baby's nursery" "you know, just throw a teepee in there. Babies love the woods." "Really? I had no idea". "Yeah, they love feeling like they're outside in the elements. Add some pointy sticks too. Actually add lots of pointy sticks".
So yeah, you can probably sense my rage coming through. After sputtering out loud about the absurdity of all of these trends, I asked my husband "Is it appropriate to write a blog post entitled "Screw you, Pinterest?" To which my husband, correctly, replied that he assumed that was always the tagline of BplusBoston.
In honor (or perhaps retribution, or at least a balancing of the scales) of Pinterest's 2017 "on trend" topics, I've created the BplusBoston's 2017 Parenting Trend List. The list includes:
1. Keep my children alive.
That's it. That's my list. I'll consider it a bonus if they are also happy and end up wearing matching socks. Here's to 2017!