A slightly above-average achiever's guide to parenting
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Oriental Trading Is Watching....
November 24, 2014
The NSA ain't got nothing on Oriental Trading. I don't know who they paid, but Oriental Trading knows we have a baby, and they know his 1st birthday is coming up soon. And frankly, it's creeping me out. Think I'm kidding? Look what just came in the mail:
The reason those plates have 3 eyes is because the third one is ALWAYS WATCHING.
Are you sad you didn't get a 1st birthday catalogue of exclusively-made-in-china toys for yourself? Don't worry, I've looked through the magazine and found the best of items that you NEED to have for your kid's first birthday.
Does your baby hate wearing hats on its head and pull them off the minute they touch their scalp? Don't worry, Oriental Trading has blatently photo-shopped party hats for your next party. I mean seriously, this has to be photo-shopped right? No human child I know would sit still with that on its head.
"Expect Appaws from guests when they SPOT this birthday theme"? Is the theme "tacky"? Is that your theme? Did I guess right?
Oriental trading, you and your puns.... see, it's funny because fossil fuels come from dinosaurs. And dinosaurs are fossils. And the plastic used to make these toys (that will totally end up in a landfill) are made using fossil fuels. It's a trifecta pun.
Alright, so the one thing that I decided I absolutely need are these number 1 water bottles. I'm a sucker for bendy straws, and these are tacky and fantastic. And probably full of BPA. Strike that, definitely made of BPA.
I wish there were more items in here that I found totally useless...but the real truth is that there were more things that I cared to admit that I wanted to buy. More for myself than for Chewbacca. For his first birthday, Chewbacca will get empty boxes to unwrap and a face full of cake. What more could a kid ask for?