A slightly above-average achiever's guide to parenting
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Things I forgot about babies
August 1, 2016
I'm not sure if anyone else had this experience, but once Chewie was born, I distinctly remember asking my mother questions like "well when did you try "crying it out" with us?" or "when did we start solids" or "how did you live without the Magic Merlin suit?" And in response to every question, my mom would tell me she couldn't remember because it was so long ago. And then I'd get frustrated and wonder how she could EVER forget this stuff.
And then I had another baby myself. And it was only two and a half years later. And I realized I had already forgotten pretty much everything about babies. I was honestly a little afraid to pick up BFF while I was at the hospital because I hadn't held a newborn since Chewie. I kept making the nurse do it, blaming it on being too tired to get up.
While I have seem to gotten my baby-legs back (which are like sea-legs, but full of far more rolls), here is a short list of everything I had forgotten about babies:
They are SO floppy without head control. Honestly, I was shocked at how defenseless they seemed at first compared to my robust toddler that can take a digger on his scooter and not even notice it. I felt like I might breathe wrong on BFF and he'd crumple.
All infants look like old men. I don't care how cute your kid is, at some point, it has borne a resemblance to Alfred Hitchcock or Harry Truman.
The weird color of newborn poop. Do you remember it being practically blaze orange? Because I didn't and definitely had to google that one to make sure my child wasn't radio active.
When they sleep at night, they sound like pugs. That one was a direct quote from my amazing pediatrician. But I had forgotten just how loud they were. With Chewie, I put up with it and put him next to my bed and just suffered through terrible sleep. Poor BFF has already been relegated into another room at this point so mama can SLEEP. I will move him closer when he develops a proper esophagus and stops sounding like darth vader with a cold.
The awful smell of spit up. And how easily it can get into your hair.
Three changes of clothes may not be enough for your diaper bag. And additional sub-memory I had forgotten: it is way easier than you think to run out of diapers in your diaper bag.
The creepy way they can sleep with their eyes open. It's like they're always watching...
And the last thing I had forgotten about newborns is:
How stinking cute they are. Because honestly, even with the late night wake ups, and the constant nursing and how much your nipples can hurt as a result (that part I did NOT forget), you forget just how incredibly cute they are, and how much you can love them. And the second time around, it seems to go by even faster, so there's an added sweetness to their snuggles and coos. Because you are more aware this time around, that it'll only be a matter of time until they're crawling, and then walking, and then sprinting down the street while you run after then screaming "Chewie, FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY STOP AT THAT LIGHT!!!!" So by comparison, late night feedings don't seem all that bad.