A slightly above-average achiever's guide to parenting
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Things I Never Thought Were Necessary
June 24, 2015
I am constantly amazed how many times as a parent I have remarked how little I knew before Chewie (BC). I mean, it's kind of a joke that people without kids "don't get it" and are clueless, but not only didn't I get it and was clueless, but I was SMUUUGG about kids. I was that jerk who was silently judging the mom who had their kid on a tether backpack or who would eye parents with melting down kids and wonder why they couldn't get it together. Now, I am seriously considering a tether for Chewie because apparently darting into traffic is his new favorite game, and when I see a parent with a melting down kid, I just give a nod of solidarity and check my watch, because it's almost always melt down o'clock.
Along with the many things I didn't know BC, there is a lot of STUFF I didn't think I would need before having kids, but are now proving to be indispensible. While I've already talked about the stuff I would put on a baby registry, there are some things that are in a different category. These are things I don't really WANT to need, but now the needle's in the arm, and I HAVE TO HAVE the following:
Boogie Wipes: Let me get this straight, now that I have a kid, not only do I need to carry around wipes to wipe the poop off my kid's butt, but I need separate wipes specifically to clean my kid's nose? Yes, yes you do. Why? Because kid's have this unholy nose crud that drips out of their noses and then instantly cakes itself into a super-human stickiness underneath their nose. Seriously, I don't know why, but regular wipes are defensless against this particular type of snot. But Boogie wipes use some kind of black magic to get this off with one wipe. A babysitter offered one to me once and I pooh poohed it. But then she used them and Chewie actually LEANED IN to get his nose cleaned. I immediately bought a 3 pack from amazon and bought stock in the company.
Diaper Genie: I think you might see a theme in this list which is that before I had kids, I underestimated the grossness factor of their bodily functions. That lasted until I got peed on and pooped on in one day...exactly 3 days postpartum. What I'm trying to say here is that their poops are disgusting and any way to contain the stench is worth the money.
A Stroller: I know, I know. This was the obvious "of course you'll need one of these", but I honestly thought we might be able to stick with just carriers. Like I said, I was a smug smug idiot before having kids. I still contend that if my child were not a manbeast at almost 30 pounds at a year old, we could've lasted a little longer without a stroller. But for now, I'll settle for an umbrella stroller and shut my mouth.
Jumparoo: This is the epitome of things I hate about baby stuff. It is plastic. It is hideous. It takes up a ton of space in your house. And it serves only one purpose. It is the worst. And yet, in the early stages of parenting, when you quickly run out of ways to entertain your kid. This bought us 20 minute stretches of non-mom-involved entertainment. And for that, I said "TAKE MY MONEY".
Plastic toys: Before Chewie, I actually searched blogs for toys that were beautiful and made of wood and weren't those garish colors of kids toys. But here's the thing about plastic ugly toys-- kids go apesh** for them. And if it makes Chewie laugh to play with a plastic toy, I'm gonna let him play with it. I would do almost anything for that laugh.
An Amazon Prime Membership: And because kids will never stop needing THINGS, the other necessity in my life is Amazon Prime. That, and a really great relationship with your UPS guy.